I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she told me i tasted like america
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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