so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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