so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mom said you looked used
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
