his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
