god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
