I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
