On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just tell him i said nine months
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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