dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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