Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
