Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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