sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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