ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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