he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
