Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
