this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize