I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
