so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize