Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
