I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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