I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
