We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
