youre lurking in front of me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
