there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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