you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
