"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's blow job season.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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