I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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