Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
