put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
