This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you didnt know i had herpes?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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