I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize