Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
