The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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