We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
handjob tips. give me some.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
