why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
