this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
