Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
