I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and she was petting her beer can
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
