you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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