Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
