so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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