he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
