piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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