I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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