I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize