Will you blow on my dice?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm passing your future prison.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
