Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
