the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
