ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Is it because I queefed?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
