great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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