He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
