there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
