your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
