maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
