I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
