Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
