Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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