I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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