it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
