nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
