I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
