this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
