He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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