can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
