question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
