i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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