I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
COCAINE IS GR8
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
