Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
