I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
