is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
